Chapter 2 – The middle years
Let’s just say that my marriage was a great platform for the rest of my time from here on in. I was divorced some years later and it was at this time I hit my darkest days. Suicide was on the table for a period because I could not console myself against the things I did to create a feeling of love lost in my relationship. I knew deep down I was a big part of why the marriage failed, but never the less I felt deep heart ache. I had thoughts that transcended humanity and apart from work I spent my time smoking and drinking myself to an early grave until one night I had a dream that turned my life around.
The dream was me floating in a tank suspended in fluid with drains and pipes attached to me a device on my face that was breathing for me. I felt useless, utterly un-empowered and a husk of a man, that could not even breath for himself. I awoke a different man, I shaved ate, dressed for work and bounded in to my workplace a different man from the one that existed for the previous six years. I was confident and assured of myself and I was coming to terms with who I was as a person. My demeanor on the outside was charming and I reverted to my manipulating best. I became the best I could at everything I touched but with an air of aloofness that saw me the man in charge but still one of the team. I used this knowledge and inbuilt attribute at night as I frequented the Adelaide casino. A tall empowered but vulnerable twenty seven year old man with a baby face and a dark glint in his eye. I befriended many and knew none; I was a quick study in the way of people and used my time here to hone my techniques. Money was tight but not elusive and to a player of people I was a master of the lonely wife or aging single woman. I sat at the roulette table with my customary one hundred dollars in chips and lost most of them in a ten minute bad luck streak. I huffed and went to move on when a tall leggy brunette, well dressed and in her mid forties passed me a stack of her chips, looking straight in my eyes she said “here babe play with these and if you win, keep the winnings all I want is my investment back.” I nodded and held my hand out to her, “Charles is my name and I am more than flattered but I can’t accept your offer” I held the line of dialogue open waiting for her to finish my sentence which she did with “Stephanie, my name is Stephanie, you my dear boy can call me Steph if it pleases you, and this is not a request it’s an order!” My heart missed a beat she was amazing, beautiful and confident beyond belief. To cut a long story short I used Stephs’ money and made myself a full three thousand dollars profit from using her money. Needless to say I left her house at six am for work in the same clothes after an amazing night together. I let her feel as though she played me but I got everything I planned for that night and continued to do so with varying women for the next three months. I would play with their money win pocket the difference and then please them in such a way as they would then pimp me out to their girlfriends, sometimes I would have two together which was fun.
I had to stop this after the three months as I was becoming that which I did not want, I was visible and not the ghost I started out being. I started a relationship and needed to consolidate myself as a family man, and at the same time was offered a position with work in the United Kingdom.
Marriage and a move later, I am a thirty something in a new country with a whole set of new people to learn about. Sex over there was as easy as being an Aussie in the UK. All I had to do to get laid was speak, and I could not keep up with myself as I tallied up my conquests. They were all inadequate and not worth much except a place to enjoy the bodies and flesh of some beautiful English roses. I also found out they loved my fetish and some would parade in their panties for me before sex, or keep them on for me during sex, gotta love the English girls. Then one day it all changed, my wife was pregnant and I was going to be a father so I needed to buckle down and disappear again back into an invisible life of the normal.
The next few years were so compliant from me it wasn’t funny, I was a dad and a husband of such equal measure no-one could have guessed my inner thoughts at night and on the new thing called the internet, on chat rooms like ICQ was quietly feeding my burning inner addiction for power and sex. I had three slaves who would do anything I asked and they would take pictures and post them back to me showing all sorts of depraved acts. One had a beer bottle in her ass while she was using a dildo, and another sent me pics of herself being abused analy by some guy, while handcuffed to a frame. As I say it’s not the sex that was enticing but the power I held over them to do my bidding.
This kept up for a further two years before I met up with Jenny.
I had met her through ICQ and she was a beautiful African American girl of twenty one who was studying in Cambridge for three months as part of her studies. I met her in a hotel just outside of Cambridge and her special fetish had me intrigued, she loved to reach orgasm at the same time as she was being gently strangled. I found this totally stimulating we had all the upfront foreplay and she started with the “do me now” speak so I moved behind her and using a scarf gently pulled it tight as I was fucking her, she went mad and I could feel her getting worked up more and more telling me, “Tighter, tighter” so I did just a little and I could hear her struggling for air but she told me more so I di and just as her pussy tightened and she came she collapsed on the bed, passed out, or dead I did not know. I reached around looking for a pulse and sure enough her heart was still beating fast, I noticed my cock was rock hard with the excitement and I entered the now unmoving body and used every hole I could, her vagina, ass and mouth, I didn’t last long and before you could say bingo I let a huge wad of seamen loose in her warm yet un flinching vagina. She came around moments later and noticed I had cum in her and she smiled and said, “Get off on that did we baby”. I looked at her and said “yes I did but not until you were out to it sorry, I didn’t think you would pass out!” and with that she got all upset and started to put her clothes on. I looked at her puzzled, “what did I do wrong” I asked with genuine unknowing. “You fucked me when I was out of it you sick fucker! That’s what’s wrong.” She yelled at me. “I don’t get it, I screw you and strangle you, and that’s ok! but if I finish after you pass out then I’m the sick one?” I yelled back. She looked at me and said “I have a fetish, not a need to be a fuck toy for a necrophiliac!” and she stormed out of the room and slammed the door.
I sat unknowing and thought about what she said, and yes it wasn’t the sex or the feeling of her warmth around my cock that did the job, but the fact that I could use her for whatever purpose I wanted. My dream from when I was ten years old flooded my mind and I smiled a ten year old smile filled with wonderment and naughtiness. “Now that’s what I like” I said aloud to myself and I looked in the mirror on the wall. Looking back at me for the first time in over thirty five years was a man who knew what he liked and it took a twenty five year old memory of a dream and a stupid bitch to realize it.
I had found my love in life and there was no way my loving wife would play dead for me even though our sex since the birth of my daughter Jessica has pretty much been roll on roll off. I wondered and then shook my head no! I needed her, I loved her but she could never give me all I required that was now plainly obvious to me.
My return to Australia and six years behind me in the UK had opened my eyes to so much about me and my life. I was now for the first time actively looking for submissives so I could live out my fantasies. My job saw me travel extensively to both Melbourne and Sydney with overnight stays so I sought out a network of women that I could have power over and do what I liked. In the mean time I had another daughter Louise and a sex life at home that was so rudimentary that it was border line hardly worth it at all. All of this brings my up to now and yes ten years on from there I have a great job a thriving family a unique fetish with willing participants and now at forty eight I find myself with an amazingly dead blonde young corpse in my lap and a raging hard on!Copywrite Graeme Hawke 2012 - All right reserved
All writings owned and published by Graeme Hawke are owned by author - Plagiarism will be prosecuted