Sunday, 21 October 2012

The realization of murder!

This is a tale born of my own experiences mixed in with how I see a serial killer coming into his own bsed around Power, sex and murder. I have infused my own life to a Novel about a man who over his life has had trauma, hurt and dark thoughts but its not until he is 48 years old that he realisies his full true potential in life.

Chapter 1 - Getting to know you
Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all happy about what I just did! But hey sometimes you’re thoughts get the better of you.
I don’t even know her name but she was a pretty little thing if a little messed up on drugs and a shit upbringing, and she is now number one. Blonde cute and the oral sex if rushed, was not bad, except I now have my DNA all in her mouth and throat.
But I do get ahead of myself. My name is Charles Davies I’m forty eight years old white male of moderate upbringing nothing amazing about me except I have great job and a beautiful wife and two amazing daughters. I have been successful so far in my life, in many ways. Sport, love, family, all fairly modest and nothing stand out. Maybe that’s the problem! I have had such an average life so far. But again I am getting ahead of myself, let me try and explain what my life has been like up to now. That way we can get to know each other before the real horror begins.  
I grew up in a new suburb in Adelaide, and was born on the sixth of July nineteen sixty four. My father was a hard man, nothing like the mild old fella he is today. My mother god rest her soul was my soul mate and came from a quite disruptive upbringing with her mother and then her grandmother passing away at the tender age of just sixteen and she had to make her way forward in a small country town with little or no prospects. It’s no wonder she latched onto the old man and was engaged at nineteen and married just a year later.
I was born into a middle class family the younger of two boys, but from day one I was different. I was a large child in size and stature and by the time I could run around I was being honed by my father as a footballer. Not your American Gridiron or Soccer, but Aussie rules football. Woops, I should slow down again I am going too fast. At age four I realized that I had a penis and would rub it on anything, the carpet under my bed was the best place but I would love it so much I would sometimes rub my little fella raw and I had to try and explain to mum what happened. Mum wasn’t stupid but she was confused as to why I was so active at such an early age. I fell in love with girls panties in grade one at school and still to this day have the fetish that has seen me through all these years. I was sent to the headmasters’ office at age six for lifting girls’ dresses at school, he too was perplexed but had seen almost everything in his fifteen years at the school as a teacher and now headmaster and he let me off with a warning not to do it again.
I think it was at this time I had my first real dark thought about women in general, tying them up so I could lift up the dresses and look at my leisure. It would be another five years until my first wet dream that I still remember fondly.
By now I was playing football and being a tall kid for my age I was always a ruckman, the guy in the centre that jumps for the ball. I was pretty good at it too, and I continued for many years to come, winning multiple premierships and best and fairest trophies in my teams. At twelve years of age and being six foot tall and weighing eighty kilograms I was an adult. I was masturbating at a rate of knots and my mother could not clean my sheets enough. I always had dark thoughts of sex and control more passive at this stage as I had never seen a naked woman only the scantily clothed babes on “The Benny Hill Show” which was on before I went to bed, which was a bonus for me.
I was a large shy gentle boy good at school and sport but no real luck with the ladies, I was a fat kid and so overbearingly tall and intimidating to the teachers let alone girls my own age. At ten years of age I had one of the grade six boys tease me and he tried to kick me showing off to his friends calling me a freak and fatso, well, I cracked, five years of teasing and bullying hit a climax and I grabbed his foot as he lashed out and flung him in the air until he hit the ground. Once he was down I jumped on top and punched him over and over, grabbing his head and smashing it into the ground. It took two teachers and three students to get me off him and I really can’t remember much after that except my trip to the headmasters’ office and the phone call home. The neatly dressed master looked at me and shook his head then took my hand and said, “It’s done now, you have that out of your system, let’s not do that again, ok Charles?” I smiled and I knew what he meant and promised him I would do my best to not hurt anyone again. When I got home my father greeted me with a five dollar note and said “well done son, I hope you hurt him good?” Mum was just worried that I had turned, and I would use my size for evil but I promised her I would not.
My one girl friend and friend being the operative word was an amazing creature called Lisa she was beautiful and would let me touch her arse and boobs when we were mucking around but we were mates so nothing ever happened. I would follow her home on her bike and watch her dress flap around in the breeze and reveal her flower print panties, go home and jack off so hard it hurt in the shower. When soap gets in the eye of your penis it hurts girls!
High school was an amazing place there were short skirts and boobs everywhere it was the seventies and hems were high. But alas I was still a fatty and now at just over six feet tall I was taller than all my teachers. I blended in well a good student and on the football and cricket team I was a valued member of the sporting fraternity within the school. It didn’t seem to matter that I was fat or large it was almost revered by some that we would win matches and ultimately premierships at the end of the year. Still no luck with the ladies but hey I was too busy with sport and then something happened to me on my fifteenth birthday. I shot up and hit six feet three and lost a stack of fat and had muscles all of a sudden. My hair was long and amazing and girls wanted me. I was all of a sudden a “Hunk” as one girl said to me.  This is about the time I started to really go to town with the dark thoughts, never hurt anyone but masturbate about holding three of them in my room and fucking them when I wanted to. I was moving into my teens a quietly depraved individual, but no-one but me had any idea what was going on. 
I had a steady girl but she dropped me for a guy with a car and I went back to fantasy and sport my two life staples. It was around this time I met other mates through my football and I was playing for a local league team in their junior ranks, and it was here I was introduced to drugs and “gangys” as they were called girls that didn’t fit in anywhere and they would let boys do whatever to them so they could be a part of the group. I had my first hand job with a girl called Cheryl, she was average to look at and very easy to forget but she dressed like a slut and she would get free dope and acid at the parties so she was always there. She fumbled with my fly and took my already large member out and gasped as she held it. I was a big boy in more ways than one! She smiled and stroked me while I rubbed my hands all over her body but mainly her panty covered ass. She kissed me and I shot into her hand a gusher of jizz, and one pulse saw a glob hit her face just on her lip. She didn’t make a sound, just licked her lip and bent down to clean the rest off of my now receding cock. She lifted her head and kissed me and I went off, my head spun my mind went into overdrive and my cock went ridged in her hand. Cheryl laughed and I pushed her face back on my cock and fucked her mouth hard. She tried to get away but I just held her there until I felt her teeth on my rod like member. I didn’t flinch but savored the moment; I lifted her off and threw her aside like a doll. She cried and said she was going to get someone to sort me out but I laughed put my little man away and went to get another beer.
I still recall that image in my head at times when I jerk off even now all these years later, but now I know it’s the power as much as the sex that drive the erection.
Now It was a couple of years later when I finally settled with a girl and thought I was in love because she was sucking my cock on a regular basis and I was a star in my chosen sport. By the time I was eighteen I was a star, fit tall and handsome, with an air of vulnerability about me that chicks dug. Little did they know it was all just a rouse, I remembered what my old headmaster said, “Keep it under control” I loved to manipulate people, or should I say, I love to manipulate people and their fears and emotions! I use comedy to annihilate people in a fun way and learned to be the centre of attention but deflect the meaning behind it. I could come and go easily but never really be memorable for any of it.

I was engaged at nineteen and married at twenty, I was in heaven, I was getting as much sex as I wanted and I was in control. My sporting career ended abruptly at eighteen when I blew out both knees and had reconstructive surgery, but my chosen job was starting to show signs of advancement so I put all my energy into my work. I worked my ass off twelve hour days and Saturdays as well to pay off my bank loans and by twenty three I was debt free!
I owed nothing to no-one and it was at this time my dark thoughts surfaced yet again. My wife was working nights and weekends even though she didn’t need to and I became closed off and I put some weight on which spiraled into my a depression and ultimately Bulimia. I would hire videos, yes VCR’s and masturbate myself raw while crying and then after eating because I was lonely I would purge and do it all again. My pain was evident to me but not to anyone else. I was becoming sheltered and resented my wife for not being there for me. She was obsessed with money and worked to save and save and save. Me I just wanted to live.
Then one day it happened, a knock at my door and a beautiful young blond who was selling paintings or something, I can’t really remember because I was looking at her. I remember because it was stinking hot and she looked beat. I asked her inside and if she wanted a drink and she said that would be great. I watched as she walked past her odour the first thing that hit me a sweet, musky smell of hot woman that sent a spark to me ball sack. She sat and I found out her name was Olga, and she was an art student back packing around Australia and she did this to pay for her travels and accommodation. She took the cold glass of water from me and some spilled down her front over her breast and her nipple reacted immediately to the cold water and air rushing past it from the evaporative air-conditioning. We started talking and I asked her some inane questions when she said smiling, “If I blow you will you buy one of my paintings please, I need the money”
My answer was thus “How about I give you two hundred bucks and we shower and fuck like rabbits. She smiled again and took my hand as we walked to the shower
Let’s just say the sex was great I don’t need to go into details here because it is only part of the story. She was so pretty naked and only a couple of years younger than me and her northern European skin was so white and pure, like porcelain.  I could have looked at her for hours naked she was just that amazingly hot. We chatted after and she went on her way back into the now almost darkness that had fallen and to her backpacker hotel a couple of hundred bucks richer and satisfied. I never saw her again but the memory fueled another fiction in my mind as I fucked my wife that night when she came home late. “Wow your hard tonight” she had said to me. I remember because my cock actually ached as I was remembering my meeting with Olga but in my mind the outcome was completely different. The fantasy was much darker and sinister with me knocking her unconscious and ripping her clothes off, raping her in every hole and then using her panties to strangle her as I was inside her. I exploded in my wife just as my fantasy came to an end and I was literally spent. Laying next to her I started to talk to myself internally about what I was feeling and thinking, I could not hurt someone could I? The feeling was overwhelming and I could feel my organ filling with blood yet again. It was the thought of the power over another human being that was the turn on, the sex really was just a means to an end. What was I thinking, could I do it, I can’t I just can’t this is wrong, I should have a stop valve to not allow me to think of these things. I laid there contemplating life as I moved my left hand to my wife ass and gave it a little rub; she made a noise but then drifted off again. My sanity was prevailing but for how much longer!
copyright Graeme Hawke - all right reserved 2012